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"The very existence of flamethrowers suggest that at some point someone said 'You know, I'd really like to set those people over there on fire.'"

Rogue Drizzt (9:27:31 PM): you guys are weird
Rogue Drizzt (9:27:35 PM): thats why i miss you so

"Ha, I win."
"Only because it was your foot."

"And then God created the nerds, so that the women might have sugar daddies."

"Ivory Tower :: Fighting the war on Reality from a safe distance. ..."

"Actually, as evil goes, pinching silver/copper pieces is so far up the evil continuum (say 'kicking a puppy' at the top, and 'gating the world into hell' at the bottom), that it just barely creeps out of neutral-ville. It wouldn't take much good stuff at all to pull him into CN."

"Ha, we are the Samurai Kung-Fu Warlords From Somewhere East of Pittsburgh, and our kung-fu is better than yours."

"Well, you guys are, after all, a huge practical joke being played on the forces of evil."

"To disrupt enemy operations, and generally make an ass of myself."

"I fully intend to convert you to Zimism. The only religion where loud partying on Sundays is openly encouraged. :-D"

"You know, I have one simple request, and that is to have sharks with freakin' laser beams attached to their heads. Now evidently my cycloptic colleague informs me that that can't be done. Can you remind me what I pay you people for? Honestly, throw me a bone here!"

"Heh ... reminds me of the time, in a 2E game, someone played a Dwarf Fighter but only had a Thief character sheet to put it on. He went ahead and filled out the Thieves' Abilities ...

Open Door: Boot.
Pick Lock: Bash.
Pick Pocket: Mug.
Climb Walls: Rope.
Hide in Shadows: No.
Move Silently: As If.
Find/Remove Traps: Ouch."

GrandCommander13 (9:41:23 PM): Hmmmm... I use a Microsoft made adapter to plug into my network. Odds of me finding a Linux driver: HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Arsen Hazzard (9:41:33 PM): omg
Arsen Hazzard (9:41:34 PM): LOL
Arsen Hazzard (9:41:46 PM): now everything makes sense...

"So i'm a girlie! I like to cuddle, I cook breakfast in bed, i think day beds are almost too cute to sit on, i eskimo kiss on request, and i like the idea of jedi lovers fighting together like a hurricane of death in love. Sue me."

"Once I'm in The Matrix, I'll try to convince the Autobots to join our Rebellion against Sauron's Galactic Empire. (From a dream I had.)"

"Woman: 'There, Frankie-'
Frankie: 'LORD Frankie!'
Woman: 'Uh... Lord Frankie... now that you have the picture, can I go now?'
Frankie: '...'
Woman: 'What are you-'
Frankie: 'One moment. Almost done.'"

"'that whiny liberal Colin Powell.' He then said in a mock high pitch voice, "'You can't just indiscriminately kill everyone, Rumsfeld.'""

"Do you consider what kind of suicide rate we'd have if people killed themselves just because they're stupid?"
"Yes. An acceptable one."

"Cast spells DBZ style. Five rounds of screaming minimum, followed by a fireball. "Casting time" should be in direct proportion to the urgency of the spell. Your CLW should take at least 11 rounds."

"hehe...i'd like to see Mission take a bath"
"Yeah, because she's underage and all. Nothing says sexy like blue, tail-headed jailbait."
"Thats disgusting! She's fourteen!"

"ME: I UMD to get the portal to activate blindly
DM: *blinks* roll
ME: With bonii, 38
DM:*blinks* You wander about the room shouting, waving the stick that you figure has something to do with opening the portal. The stick slips out of your hands, hits the ceiling, snaps perfectly in half, and slides into two previously unseen holes in the wall, the portal whirrs to life
Me: Score!"

Fighter to wizard "hey, I finally shot that stupid owl that's been following you everywhere"

"Fighter: Ha! He can't even read or write! It isn't likely that he can make a plan or even follow one!
Barbarian: ... How many languages can you speak?
Fighter: Umm... Three.
Barbarian: I can speak twelve, but unfortunatly none have a word which describes how much of an idiot you are. Now if you are smart, which would be quite a shock to me, you will keep your mouth shut before I plant this axe in your barren and unused skull."

"They were vampires! Psychos do not explode when sunlight hits them, I don't care how crazy they are!"

"Jimmie: Now let me ask you a question, Jules. When you drove in here, did you notice a sign out in front that said, 'Dead nigger storage'?
Jules: Jimmie......
Jimmie: Answer the question! Did you see a sign out in front of my house that said 'Dead nigger storage'?
Jules: Naw man, I didn't.
Jimmie: You know why you didn't see that sign?
Jules: Why?
Jimmie: 'Cause storin' dead niggers ain't my fuckin' business!"

"Hey, what's wrong with your fingers? They seem to be all up in my grill when they would be better placed crammed up your buttocks... Biznatch!"

"Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to the person's house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left on the porch? A jack-o'-lantern with a knife in the side of its head with a note that says "You." After that, I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done."

"And let’s not forget that a trip to the monkey house at just the right time might give you some ideas for second date activities – if you know what we mean."

"It doesn't take a Kenyan to run a marathon."

"Rico: 'Um, I'm here to check your gas line.'
DM: That's seriously your bluff?
Rico: You're damn right.
DM: I'm going to have to give them a +20 circumstance bonus to their sense motive roll, as they have no idea what a 'gas line' is.
Rico: Bring it on.
[They roll.]
Rico: Let's see ... a 19 plus my +11 Bluff modifier. You?
DM: (quiet for a moment, looking at the 2 he has just rolled; then) They let you into their back yard."

"I'm ready, man, check it out. I am the ultimate badass! State of the badass art! You do NOT want to f**k with me. Check it out! Hey Ripley, don't worry. Me and my squad of ultimate badasses will protect you! Check it out! Independently targeting particle beam phalanx. Whoa! Fry half a city with this puppy. We got tactical smart missiles, base plasma pulse rifles, RPGs, we got sonic electronic ball breakers! We got nukes, we got knives, sharp sticks..."

"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."

"Spiked Chain: Don't bother. It was made like that to test which DMs would have the nerve to ban core material from their games, and use this toughened group of survivors as the genetic basis to breed the next generation of roleplayers."

"Chainmail pants...... this needs a new prestige Class
Club Kid!
With special abilitys of Tashas Uncontrolable Hideous Robot Dancing, Ultraviolet Light spell 2/day, Hasted when bards play music with throbbing bass beats (Tuba and Pipe organ bards)."

"Avast, ya saucy wenches! My sword is aflame with a burning desire which can only be quenched by thine velvety scabbards of lust!"

"We'll make the pasty bastards wish they never left their castle! Roll saving throw against BEATDOWN!"

"However, this assumes that the silver is converted into energy, which it is not. It is transported to the plane of the god, which means that there's a heck of a lot of silver on the outer planes. Presumably the gods use this to pay mercenaries to guard all the diamonds they get from resurrecting people all the time."

DM: "Ok, the Ogre disarms you .. your turn ... "
PC: "Ok, as a free action, I make a quarterstaff .."
DM: :uh-huh: "You what?"
PC: "Yeah, I make a quarterstaff."
DM: "Sure, but that's not a free action."
PC: "Sure is, see right here, says so .. " (points to reference in book) "So, I chop down this big tree, rip off that branch, clean the leaves off, shake the bugs off, skin the bark off and cut it to proper length."
DM: ...
PC: "Right, that was my free action, now I'll 5' step so I flank the Ogre, and full attack ... ok, 3 hits, for .. 28 dmg total."
DM: :twitch: "uh .. fine ...the Ogre sunders your quarterstaff."
PC: "No problem, there's another tree right over there ..."
DM: *bangs his head against the wall*

"A proffessor was once asked of the difference between cleverness and intelligence. To answer his students he said: When man reached space, he realized he could not use a pen to write down on paper, because there was no force to push the ink through. Thusly, the Americans told their best engineers to work hard, toiled for a while and created a special pen that could write on any surface, upside down, without needing gravity. The Russians used a pencil."

"'Mature-Ages 16 and up.' You're mature, right?"
"No, but I am over 16."

"He's using a mind trick."
"I think it would be better defined as a mind-less trick."

"Megatron has gone to the bathroom! I AM THE NEW LEADER OF THE DECEPTICONS!!!!11"

"My favorite variant is quantum chess, where there's hidden information about even your own pieces, and the more you narrow down what a piece is, the less certain you are about where it is on the board."

"Murphy's Fourth Law of Love - Brains * Beauty * Availability = 0"

"laern to spell loser"

"Well, yeah, he gave me the clap, but other than that, fantastic guy. Makes great curries, too."

"To an optimist the glass is half full.
To a pessimist the glass is half empty.
To a programmer the glass is twice as big as it needs to be."

"Dear humanity, we regret being alien bastards, we regret coming to Earth, and we most certainly regret the corp that just blew up our raggeddy ass fleet!"

"Its just a slower, more love making kind of hump, rather then the fast, F hump in halo 1"

"I resolve to not lose my virginity before GC13. I am prepared to be a virgin to my grave, because damn it, that's what it's lookin like it's gonna be."

"I have no color prejudices nor caste prejudices nor creed prejudices. All I care to know is that a man is a human being, and that is enough for me; he can't be any worse."

"what, does solving math problems take away your hit points or something?"
"The quadratic equation crits against you for 2d8+8 damage! Roll a Will save or take 1d6 Int damage!"